I really do not want this to turn into a crappy “writer’s advice” column for many reasons. First, you will soon come to learn grammar and I are not friends. Yes, we will tolerate each other in the same room but we will never exchange birthday gifts be best friends. I never learned how to get rid of the passive tense in a sentence until I was 31. Thank you Elba, at least you have the Onion Fest.
I do, however, wish I had this advice. For pretty much any form of writing. The topic was academic writing.
“Look, it’s like a pool party OK? You have to suck it up (and in) and show a little skin. You are going to have to let your ass hang out. Your manuscript is three times too long because you are constantly trying to cover every inch of your ass. I know you are new to the research publication party, but don’t you want to show up dressed appropriately? It’s like a pool party and bathing suits are required. You simply cannot arrive in Arctic expedition attire. It’s uncomfortable I know. And no, an 1800s style “bathing suit” doesn’t work either. You just have to put yourself out there. It’s OK, it just takes some getting used to.
If you don’t delete your endless paragraphs of ass-coverings you will never get this insanely lengthy manuscript published. That means you’ll never get to join the pool party… Edit until you are down to your swimsuit, slather yourself in some sunscreen (SPF Confidence Level 30 should do just fine) and join the damn party.”